Pain of Black Boys & Their Moms

This reflection was in light of father’s day. After Kendrick dropped his latest album, I realized I can go deeper.

(*This piece circumvents a heterosexual cis lens* -the only space I’m truly authorized to speak from)

Another piece on generational trauma and pain? It’s like: enough of that already. We are reminded of our pain all the time, whether we consciously or unconsciously acknowledge it.

And that’s why we don’t talk about it.

Maybe it starts with the broken hearts of young black girls, who didn’t feel their father’s presence, warmth, and love growing up. The beginning and birth of a long internal story of unworthiness. (Which we should heal by the way).

It extends into the broken hearts of black women who don’t feel chosen by their husbands. We know how black women are perceived as ugly, undesirable, difficult, uncooperative, too masculine & authoritative, when underneath is a longing for feeling chosen, protected, and cherished.

The rolling tidal wave of how slavery has broken black homes.

We have black girls internalize the absence of their fathers as a measurement of their worthiness. The pervasive sexual objectification of men leaves very little space to interact emotionally and safely.

A pervasive sense of broken power among men, that stems from a society that makes violence and judgment towards women normal. That pain multiplies in women being violent and judgemental towards men which appears justified.

A cycle of black moms who have no place to process the pain of not being loved by their fathers or being chosen by their husbands takes the pain of abandonment from their husbands and fathers, onto their sons unconsciously.

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